[He was broken before he woke up alone in his room on the Barge for the first time; he'd been ground down to dust between outside pressure he had no control over and inside pressure that he'd partially created himself in an effort to find a way, any way at all, to equalize. There'd been none for him before, not until the Admiral, not until Jesse, and Alex, and Anya.
He's coming to realize he was still broken even hemmed in by their security; he was a cracked ornament held together in a palm, whole only as long as the fingers are closed around it. Now he's alone. Now it's just him. Now he's falling out of the shape he'd been cobbled back together into, and it's only a matter of time until he's discovered.
Until he disappears, because he's already in the basement. He's already the nomlie. That's the next step, only she says no.
Ben breathes out, can't help the faint tremor that goes with it, and does not stop tracing the bone under his skin.]
no subject
He's coming to realize he was still broken even hemmed in by their security; he was a cracked ornament held together in a palm, whole only as long as the fingers are closed around it. Now he's alone. Now it's just him. Now he's falling out of the shape he'd been cobbled back together into, and it's only a matter of time until he's discovered.
Until he disappears, because he's already in the basement. He's already the nomlie. That's the next step, only she says no.
Ben breathes out, can't help the faint tremor that goes with it, and does not stop tracing the bone under his skin.]
Then I already have.