Wow, Vin. Let me tell you about the entire fucking history and culture of planet Earth. Get some microwavable popcorn because this shit might take about one or two...fuck it, a billion hours to get through.

I'll break it down for you, though, nice and simple;

-Formation of the planet
-Water forms
-Viruses and bacteria and shit form
-Insects, plants, amphibians, reptiles, eventually dinosaurs
-Wait fuck it changed my mind no dinosaurs
-Apes though. And monkeys. And things that look like monkeys but are way smarter.
-Yeah oh wait that's us.
-And look at us, writing and farming and learning languages and shit.
-And totally building trendy vacation spots for later generations. Thanks, slave labor and totalitarianism!
-Skip ahead, guy named Jesus shows up and dies. Thanks, Romans.
-Changed my mind, no more Romans.
-Knights, though. Knights and lords and a fuckton of plague.
-Plague turns into paintings, people get their heads out of their asses, start thinking a little bit.
-Oh fuck turns out there's this whole other continent we had no idea about.
-Oh shit, it has tomatoes. Bring that shit back across the ocean. Pizza invented.
-Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. People die, regimes fall, democracy happens.
-Fuck yeah America is born; greatest country in the world, motherfuckers!
-Lots of wars and shit
-More bullshit, mostly political
-The Internet!
-Me!
-The end.

Questions?