one. spam & voice. spread love like violence.

[indispensible]

[There's no question in Vin's mind about reading through the file several times. There's also no question of letting Stark see it. He knows what's in it. She is not all that surprised herself, not about the generalities. The specifics hurt more than she thought they would.]

[Hell. And - Alice.]

[She knows his habits well enough by now that she can track him down quickly. He's on the deck. She wrinkles her nose again; he's smoking.]

Stark.

[If he'd wanted to be James, he would have said that from the start.]



public } voice

[While her voice isn't hesitant, it's definitely quiet. She still doesn't quite understand the point of the network, but now that she's been paired it'd probably be more noticeable not to say something.]

I'm Vin. I arrived here a few weeks ago, and I've spoken to - some of you. I'm a warden.

[She considers leaving it at that, but decides against it.]

I'd like to know about other people's worlds. I don't know very much about Earth, but that's not where I'm from. So it would be useful.

Comments

[mistconduct]

Wow, Vin. Let me tell you about the entire fucking history and culture of planet Earth. Get some microwavable popcorn because this shit might take about one or two...fuck it, a billion hours to get through.

I'll break it down for you, though, nice and simple;

-Formation of the planet
-Water forms
-Viruses and bacteria and shit form
-Insects, plants, amphibians, reptiles, eventually dinosaurs
-Wait fuck it changed my mind no dinosaurs
-Apes though. And monkeys. And things that look like monkeys but are way smarter.
-Yeah oh wait that's us.
-And look at us, writing and farming and learning languages and shit.
-And totally building trendy vacation spots for later generations. Thanks, slave labor and totalitarianism!
-Skip ahead, guy named Jesus shows up and dies. Thanks, Romans.
-Changed my mind, no more Romans.
-Knights, though. Knights and lords and a fuckton of plague.
-Plague turns into paintings, people get their heads out of their asses, start thinking a little bit.
-Oh fuck turns out there's this whole other continent we had no idea about.
-Oh shit, it has tomatoes. Bring that shit back across the ocean. Pizza invented.
-Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. People die, regimes fall, democracy happens.
-Fuck yeah America is born; greatest country in the world, motherfuckers!
-Lots of wars and shit
-More bullshit, mostly political
-The Internet!
-Me!
-The end.

Questions?

[indispensible]

[....................]

Very. Compact.

You're the culmination of history.

[mistconduct]

Every single motherfucker who ever is the culmination of history. I'm just the one retelling history, therefore I get to put myself in history as a reference point for your convenience.

[indispensible]

Importance is a matter of perspective.

[This is a-okay with her.]

Why don't you like dinosaurs?

[mistconduct]

Who the fuck said I didn't like dinosaurs? Dinosaurs are the shit.

[indispensible]

You took them out of the story.

[mistconduct]

Because they died. And there's no Barge around to bring them back.

[neuropathy]

You missed hockey.

[indispensible]

. . . What's hockey?

[neuropathy]

Uh. Societally acceptable male aggression on ice. With helmets.

[indispensible]

[She considers this. Carefully. Deep thought here.]

It sounds fun.

[neuropathy]

[ Nathan can take it or leave it, although (again) because he is from Maine, he was of course not allowed to graduate adolescence until he knew how to play. ]

Depends what you're into.

[indispensible]

. . . Socially acceptable aggression.

[Isn't that what they're talking about? Nathan, keep up.]

[megamind]

Hey! Give hockey it's due! villain on villain violence on ice. Pathos! Drama! Grudges! Lost teeth!

[ Someone might have a Detroit Red Wings shrine somewhere in the lair at home. ]

[neuropathy]

...

Sure. Like I said.

[ In ...Nathan language, which contains approximately 200% less descriptive language, or visible enthusiasm. ]

[megamind]

Carry on then, Mr. Understatement.

[mistconduct]

Baseball's better.

[neuropathy]

I like 'em both. 'm from Maine, though, gotta put in for hockey.

[mistconduct]

At least you're not Canadian. I don't think there's a cure for that.

[neuropathy]

's not really a cure for bein' from Maine, either. It's just ice-fishing and lobster traps all the way down.

[ How serious is he. ]

[mistconduct]

Come down to New York sometime, we'll treat you right. Not that I'm sneering at Maine lobster, but I won't lie, we've got you beat on bagels and night life.

[megamind]

Baseball better than hockey?

...well, you are adopted. I can deal with this.

[mistconduct]

Baseball is so much fucking better than hockey, Megamind, shut up! Yankees, man! Fucking subway series! I was seven years old when the Mets played the Yankees and it was fucking amazing! We went to every game!

[megamind]

Baseball is superboring! It's waiting and positions and walking and bunting and no. Give me ice and blades and guys hitting each other all over a flying piece of frozen death.

[mistconduct]

Baseball is the quintessential American sport and you, sir, are unAmerican.