indispensible | fifteen. video. i'm building an empire & now i'm never gonna look back.

[Vin was a silent, solitary, curious presence in Amsterdam for the last few days, walking alone through the busiest streets and emptiest neighborhoods. She found she wasn't afraid of crowds anymore during this time, that any residual discomfort she had about masses of people had evaporated when Stark graduated. People are only people, she thinks; they can do ugly things, terrible things, but they are generally comprehensible, no longer something strange that she feels poorly equipped to decipher.]

[The trouble with Amsterdam, though, was that it wasn't home. She found herself thinking (while navigating public transit, then just giving up and walking) of what Spook told her during the glitch, of what he showed her, of Elendel growing, of how she could tend it like the flowers in Zane's garden. Of how it could become a wonder.]

[She wants to become with it. In the end, it's actually a very easy decision.]

[She broadcasts video, one dog at either side of her, the glass butterfly on her shoulder. They'll be coming with her, of course; almost everything else will stay here. She's calm when she speaks, composed, although still clearly unused to too much speaking to too many people.]

I'm leaving.

The reason I came here to the Barge - made a deal with the Admiral - was for my husband. His name is Elend. He died with me, before, and now he'll be alive with me again. Our world that was was a dark place, a decaying place, and now it's growing.

I'm not afraid of what it's capable of becoming anymore. And he's there. That's why I'm going back. I think . . . it might be a good place for wardens to come sometimes, to breathe. I think you'd be welcome there.

I need - if it's possible, for someone to save a message for me. For Nathan Wuornos. Please.

. . . I have weapons that I want to give away. Knives and daggers, metal and glass - I'm keeping the ceramic ones, Zane - and I'll be around for the afternoon, so if anyone wants them, or wants them but needs a lesson. I'll be here. And then I'll go.

That's all. Thank you.

Goodbye.

private; ben

Ben,

I had to leave. I hope you understand. Sometimes it's time for things to happen, and it was time for this to happen.

I want you to know I'll be gone for a while. But sometime, if you want, you should come to Elendel. I'll be alive again, so I can show you our dances, and you can meet people if you want to, or I can just show you the rooftops if you want that instead.

Goodbye. You're very brave. It was good to know you.

- Vin.

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[She arches her eyebrows at him. This is how it's going to be then; like some kind of transaction. Not what she wants, but if it's what he wants . . . she supposes it might be good enough. Maybe. At least she gets to see him one more time.]

[And it's not like she wouldn't be angry if the tables were turned.]

[Slowly, she moves toward the table and places three knives on it, all good modern steel, then backs away in silence.]

[He knows he's being an ass, but good byes are not his strong suit. He usually never gets the opportunity for them and death is always involved so how is he supposed to handle this? She's not dying. She's dong the complete opposite. As crappy and disappointed as he feels to lose a friend here, he knows it's the wrong feeling. How selfish. He should be happy for her and here he is putting a wedge between them to make things easier.]

These are pretty nice. Thanks.

[He smiles, picks one up for weight and balance. As he puts it back on the table the smile flips to a frown.]

I know you have to go, I thought you would have a while ago. I guess it just feels sudden.

[He sighs. Feels sudden? What a terrible excuse. Somehow he's going to screw the one good bye he has up. He just knows it.]

I'll miss you.

[Her expression doesn't soften, exactly. She doesn't think being soft towards Kylar is appropriate. They are not soft people, or kind people; they're hardened by the lives they've lived, the lives that are evident in their surroundings. In this cabin, she can see her own life reflected in his. She wishes sometimes that they were not so similar, but the rest of the time she imagines it might be a gift.]

[She holds onto her upper arms, hugging herself as though she's cold.]

I'll miss you, Kylar.

I'm - not sorry, only - I know it's sudden. That's the only way I can do it. I'm not good at - slow things. Graceful things. So this is how it is.

But you have to remember me. And now . . . now you have things to remember me by.

[His memories would last longer than the daggers, but he can't explain that. He frowns.]

You know, I have nothing to give you in return.

Edited (Words are hard.) 2014-11-23 04:14 (UTC)

[Her eyes widen in confusion. Shaking her head no, she takes a step forward, darts her hand out to touch his wrist, then draws it away.]

That's not true. You gave me something already.