indispensible | fifteen. video. i'm building an empire & now i'm never gonna look back.

[Vin was a silent, solitary, curious presence in Amsterdam for the last few days, walking alone through the busiest streets and emptiest neighborhoods. She found she wasn't afraid of crowds anymore during this time, that any residual discomfort she had about masses of people had evaporated when Stark graduated. People are only people, she thinks; they can do ugly things, terrible things, but they are generally comprehensible, no longer something strange that she feels poorly equipped to decipher.]

[The trouble with Amsterdam, though, was that it wasn't home. She found herself thinking (while navigating public transit, then just giving up and walking) of what Spook told her during the glitch, of what he showed her, of Elendel growing, of how she could tend it like the flowers in Zane's garden. Of how it could become a wonder.]

[She wants to become with it. In the end, it's actually a very easy decision.]

[She broadcasts video, one dog at either side of her, the glass butterfly on her shoulder. They'll be coming with her, of course; almost everything else will stay here. She's calm when she speaks, composed, although still clearly unused to too much speaking to too many people.]

I'm leaving.

The reason I came here to the Barge - made a deal with the Admiral - was for my husband. His name is Elend. He died with me, before, and now he'll be alive with me again. Our world that was was a dark place, a decaying place, and now it's growing.

I'm not afraid of what it's capable of becoming anymore. And he's there. That's why I'm going back. I think . . . it might be a good place for wardens to come sometimes, to breathe. I think you'd be welcome there.

I need - if it's possible, for someone to save a message for me. For Nathan Wuornos. Please.

. . . I have weapons that I want to give away. Knives and daggers, metal and glass - I'm keeping the ceramic ones, Zane - and I'll be around for the afternoon, so if anyone wants them, or wants them but needs a lesson. I'll be here. And then I'll go.

That's all. Thank you.

Goodbye.

private; ben

Ben,

I had to leave. I hope you understand. Sometimes it's time for things to happen, and it was time for this to happen.

I want you to know I'll be gone for a while. But sometime, if you want, you should come to Elendel. I'll be alive again, so I can show you our dances, and you can meet people if you want to, or I can just show you the rooftops if you want that instead.

Goodbye. You're very brave. It was good to know you.

- Vin.

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[There's a beat of hesitance, but it's not a long one. Then Helena shifts forward slowly, wrapping herself around Vin in a silent hug.]

[Vin still isn't exactly great at hugs. But she takes Helena into her arms warmly and with as much love as she doles out to any one person. Helena is a kinswoman. Helena deserves all the kindness in Vin's heart.]

I wish I could take you with me.

[She can feel it, in the way Vin holds her, the gentleness of it; she can hear the quiet truth in Vin's words. It makes her heart ache. Her voice is small.]

I'll miss you.

I'll miss you, too.

[Her grip tightens on Helena's back, an almost too-tight squeeze.]

Are you going to be safe?

[The squeeze may be close to too tight but Helena's not complaining. She might not complain even if it was tight enough to crack her ribs.]

Yes. But... Do you still have knives? Not for safety. So I can remember you.

[She gnaws her lip. She's given most of them away by now - so many people she loves need weapons. But there are still some.]

[She lets go and turns to where some of her things are already packed, pulling out a small dagger in a cloth sheath.

These are special. They were given to me by a man I killed. We're friends now.

I can't give you all of them, but I can give you this one. It's ceramic. Special. We never use metal, remember?

Yes. Thank you. [She nods, hands held out palm-up to take the knife with reverence.]

When I was alive, I had a knife. The handle is carved like a fish, with wings. It's-- a symbol, for the people who made me like I am, but for God as well. It was special too. If I had it here, I would give it to you.

[Her eyes widen slightly, barely-perceptible shock, even as she hands over her knife - her gift.]

You would give me something that important?

You're my friend.

[The word still feels strange in her mouth, but in a good way. She claims Vin with it and at the same time it helps bring her own self into focus, through her connection to this woman. Helena is now a woman who has friends. She slides the dagger from its sheathe and runs gentle fingers over the flat of it.]

[A small smile, so tentative, but bright. Yes. Helena is a woman who has friends. Vin is a woman who has Helena for a friend. They're both lucky.]

You're my friend.

[It sounds stilted, and awkward, but she's beaming now.]

[Helena's own smile is bright as well. Putting the dagger back and carefully slipping it into a pocket, she essentially repeats what she said earlier, only this time firmly, gladly, without the melancholy tinge.]

I'm glad you saved him. I'm glad you got your deal here.

I'm glad, too. I'm glad . . . that other people are glad. That you don't resent me.

I'm glad that the home I'm going to is somewhere I'll feel safe. It's beautiful and green there. It's never been green there before.

[There's a part of her that's almost jealous, in a bright, friendly way, at the word home. It's not a very large part, though. She reaches out to touch the back of Vin's hand with her fingertips.]

It is now. And he's waiting for you.

[She lets Helena's fingers flit across the back of her hand; then she turns her hand over and takes Helena's, so lightly, so carefully for someone who possesses so much strength.]

You have a future, too, Helena. Even when it doesn't seem like it. Please believe.

fifteen. video. i'm building an empire & now i'm never gonna look back.

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